First Semester at LCSC - check

I love it when I can cross things off my list! And I only have a few more assignments on that list. Yeah , one of them is HUGE, and I will be spending the next 72 hours doing nothing but it ( and raising children, that assignment is continous). But in a few days when it is all done...

I will finish my garden
Paint the kitchen
Play with my children all the time
Bake some bread
Donation Yoga with my favorite girl
Tanquerey & Tonic- super cold double with lots of lime
Make some chocolate candies
Ride bikes
Hike up river
Sleep
Read books not teaching related
Sit in the sun at my daughters soccer games
Be still
Get ready for summer school


Now that's a list I look forward to crossing off.

closer

The end of the semester is so close I can touch it with my fingertips.I would never have blogged except that we were "forced" to (ha,ha), and it has been such a positive experience. Different from a paper journal because it is public and I am conscious of my audience. Where as in a paper journal I have more privacy, and can be as raw and honest as necessary. A good experience, but not sure if I will make the time to continue. I have enjoyed reading my peers blogs and a few strangers I began following this semester as well. What an interesting world blogging is, there is something for everyone. I have found some great recipes , gardening blogs and personal stories, better than reality t.v..
I think blogging is a great tool for teaching writing for college students.

Mother Nature

Mother Nature, what's up? 26 out of 30 days of rain or snow? Your KILLING me lady! Stuck home today, 9 papers due by Friday, two sick and fighting kids. And,... it's raining AGAIN. All I want to do is take a nap. I guess She wins. Doesn't She Always win?

11 papers and counting!

OMG! We are almost there! What a LONG winter and semester! This week so far I have written 9 Papers! Two more left and 1 revise and I am done...until Monday. Almost done, I can see the light. And I am proud of myself for juggling it all (not always so gracefully), but I am doing it! And you should be proud of yourselves too! We are amazing. There somebody needed to say it, praises to the hard working women!

"Beauty Tips"

"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People even more than things have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others." Audrey Hepburn

Port Authority

I was thinking back to the first time I took a greyhound bus. I was coming back from college after my first semester away. I took a greyhound home to CT from upstate NY, normally about a 5 hour drive, on the bus it was a 12 hour drive. So after driving all around upstate NY, and Penn. through a blizzard the bus stopped my limp head slammed up against the window and the driver yelled "Port Authority last stop". I sat up, What? This isn't New Haven? This is NYC. I dragged my bag off the bus, to a scene only to be found in a city at 3 am, alone. Looking around the dark, dirty, scarey, dimly lit bus station, I saw a man beating a garbage can with a stick, a couple of other homeless folks passed out on the floor and a booth with an Information sign. I went up to the oh so helpful man who yelled and pointed in a direction through the glass, clueless to what he was saying I turned and walked in the direction of his finger. Suddenly, a man with rags for clothes and newspapers for shoes started grabbing at my big bag, grunting and cussing at me. I pulled back and said "Back off", petrified holding back the tears I thought it was over this time for sure when I saw two more coming towards me. "OH SHIT", I thought. When suddenly a big strong dark hand grabbed my bag flung it over his shoulder and said "This way Miss". I obliged when I realized it was my savior the bus driver. He walked me to the transfer bus and we exchanged "Merry Christmas's". Probably saved my life, or at least kept it from being changed forever. So, 22 years later, "Thank you Greyhound bus driver for getting involved."

mudseason III- The final installment.

So at this point in the season not only are we used to the hike up and down the road, we actually enjoy it. Not only that , we brag about it. "Yeah, thats right" I heard Sophie telling some kids, "I am so strong right now, I hike up and down my road 2-3 miles a day, My mom says most other kids would cry about it". Normally , I would tell her to not have so much hubris, but Hell, she earned it! She does hike up and down the road 10-15 miles a week and she has every right to brag about it.Especially when the alternative at 6:30 a.m. when it is snowing and cold is to curl up in a ball and cry with defeat that life is just too hard. Trust me, I feel like this every a.m., but a cup of coffee and my two little inspiring faces looking up to me to make it fun, there is no other way. So we trudge on,singing our songs and tweeting along with the birds, and soon it will be over, and we will all be alittle stronger for it.

P.S.- I didn't tell me kids about the cougar tracks I keep seeing.That's why one of our dogs always comes with us....

A Months Calendar

I just did my month's calendar for April (so I'm alittle behind, it's only the 10th), between 3 school schedules, and soccer it's going to be a busy month. I am so excited though because I am nearing Phase I PACE program, which I have been anticipating and planning for for years now. I am really progressing, life is really progressing. I noticed this as I walked with my 7.5 year old , the things she thinks about. How both of my children are learning to express themselves through speech and writing, amazes me, especially since this past semester of emerg. lit, teach. writing, and storytelling classes. I have learned so much already that is going to not only help me be a solid teacher but have even a stronger constitution as a parent.
Looking forward to the future.

And warm spring days in the green grass...

I've been avoiding you.

Okay, I admit it, I have been avoiding my blog. Life has been too emotional and writing about it all seems soooo heavy.
My beloved Golda Bear did pass naturally this week, (the 18 year old cat), my dear companion. What struck me most about the experience was the strength of those around me. Our big dog 140 pounds of love, sobbed for his feline sister. My dog, hide back and sadly watched as we buried the tiny being that in the beginning was larger than her once puppy self. My brave 7 year old, voluntarily getting the cats body (wrapped up in a towel) and bringing her out to the grave. I was shocked because I was not brave enough to do it myself. And thirdly,my dear husband who stepped up to help me through this painful experience. Lastly, the brave and loving personality of the deceased, who, although in pain , still pushed her head against my hand and gave me a soft burr song .
R.I.P. my dear friend.
I realize she is a pet, and many people suffer everyday losing loved ones and children. Hopefully this experience will help me and my children increase our empathy for others pain.

Mud Season II

This episode really began Fri. as I hurried to finish homework, pack all of us , deal with pets and drive down the road. Except not that simple. About a 1/4 mile down the road, I knew we were in the wrong spot. I compare it to river running, we were in a class 5 mud rapid and getting buried, and I still believe it was because of the collective power of the mind. I was trying to make myself think positive, and not that we were going to get a mud bath, but I could not Jedi mind power myself to stop thinking about getting stuck. And I could not stop my daughter from saying "We're going to get stuck, and My cousins are waiting for me in Seattle!". So we were stuck, for about an hour 1/4 mile from my house, We couldn't bail out on this trip, although seeming so far away.
Fast forward , Sunday evening, after a busy and fun weekend with family and friends and parties and dinner, we did the trek home about 6 hours if your single, 7-8 if you have 2 children with you, and a dog with a skin allergy. So, after more fast food then is ever allowed, we made it to the end of the road, well the end of the driveable part of the rd. We parked next to the other 14 tax paying neighbors cars (the commissioner told my husband our neighborhoods tax money wouldn't be missed if we stopped paying property taxes because the county refuses to maintain our rd., although they won't let us gate it to keep mudboggers from ripping it up for fun. I think they might miss 14 residents property tax money in this econonmy though). Anyway, I dumped all of my dirty clothes out of my back pack, find the essentials, the portable dvd player for my 2.5 year old, DS for my 7.5 year old, my school books, lap top ,kindle, brush, shampoo and purse, stuff them back in the back pack. It is 7:42 and it is getting dark rapidly, and I have dealt with the psycho moose on this stretch before, don't want to do it in the dark. We dress the kids and ourselves, mud gear, boots and raingear. My poor husband carries the 2.5 year old because we didn't expect to walk and bring the back pack or even pack his mud boots, so I carry 3 bags and my back pack and guide my daughter between us because it is dark, we are unprepared and don't even have a working flashlight, of course. But we must get home to our ailing cat and 2 other dogs we tied up in the wood shed lined thickly with straw and clean dogbeds.
To be continued......

geckos

I could tell you about when I was 25 or 26 I took her, Golda the Bear to live in St. Croix, with us for several months.Most of her hair fell out, because of the heat and humidity, but she didn't care, she was with me. Because the year before when I made this trip for 6 months I left her with my friend on her farm. The day I returned, she heard my car and ran across three roofs and jumped onto the hood of my car, and said her curly "BRRupp, meow".I knew I couldn't leave her again, she had already been left by a previous owner, by death. Considering this was 15 years ago it is pretty amazing my toe licking feline is still with me. She loved to chase and eat geckos, and I would know when she had achieved this goal, because one of her eyes would be totally dilated and the other normal. She would try to run up the wall and chase things that weren't there. We would call it her kitty trips. The toxins in the lizards, caused a high like affect on her, and when she was done (coming down) , she would drool, and purr and feverishly lick my toes.
Always happy to see me, I'm not sure if I will ever have a relationship like this again.
Obviously, still in denial...

Denial...

My companion of almost 17 years is ill. My cat Golda the Bear. I am not sure what is wrong with her, but something is wrong. I keep trying to sooth her, because I am afraid if I bring her to the vet, I won't be bringing her home. Plus, I can't even get her to the vet right now because of mud season, and I know she would not enjoy a ride on a noisey 4 wheeler. Trying to ease any pain she may have while still living in denial....

Friday Night-journal flow

Boy, have things changed. Or have they really? Yeah, I am typing on a lap top while 2 quietly sleep on the couch and one sleeps upstairs, but I am still watching silly movies on a Friday night, Tonights feature is "Ghost Busters". Similar to 1984 when the movie came out, I am doing homework on a friday night, in front of the T.V.. I just baked the best sweets for my husbands birthday party tomorrow. Millionare Shortbread, only 5 ingredients. Roasted garlic hummus, and homemade macaroni and cheese (for the kids...). Unlike when I was 13 in 1984, I wouldn't have made hummus, but brownies or peanutbutter balls or some sweet probably would have been made on a friday night. Oh, I guess I wasn't a total homebody, occassionaly we snuck out to t.p. some boys house, now you'd get ticketed for such behavior. Which reminds me my husbands 85 year old Grandma said she was going to t.p her son's house because he forgot to call her on her birthday. That's the spirit I hope to have at her age.

Mud season I

Mudseason is upon us. Making the difficult morning shuffle even more insane. Up at 5:50, still slithering out of bed with a 33 month old baby taking up more than his fair share of the Cali King bed. Coffee, dogs out , fire stoked, teeth brushed, splash face with cold water. Awake. Kids up, breakfast, clothes , hair , teeth, dogs shut into back porch, so they don't follow us. Mud boots, rain gear, and thankfully frozen muddy ground. We put lunches and backpacks for the three of us in the side saddle containers and a crate my husband attached to the front. All three of us on the 4-wheeler. Sophia 7 sits back snugging her brother in tight. Gloves on, push button, play with throttle, pump gas repeat a good ten times and she starts! We are off! We don't go faster than 10mph it is very rutted although frozen, some ruts 2.5 deep, don't get suck into this class 4 mud rapid on the right. Two moose on the left, Thomas yells "Baby Moose, Mama Look!" . Get sucked into the rut, but it's still frozen so I squeeze the gas, my fingers frozen and hurt ,figures I forget my gloves after spending several minutes getting each little finger into the little guys gloves. And there is my car! Much easier and faster than walking. This afternoon we will walk it so I can get a better feel where the lines are to drive it. Fun, fun, bring on mud season, agravated moose and silty stains that are impossible to remove. But the reward will be a gorgeous and green month of May, and our souls alittle stronger for surviving another North Idaho winter and mud season.

News

I honestly haven't watched much news lately, I was busy wrapped up in a world of my own, kids, school, birthday parties, impending mud season. But, once I started watching the footage of the Japan earthquake and sunami, it's hard to pull away from it. The devastion unreal. I couldn't even image, what those people were thinking, feeling, going through. The after math, of being with out loved ones, food, water, necessacities, of nuclear destruction and radiation illness. It's overwhelming from this far away. My heart aches .

DirecTv & Septic Man

Today is my 40th birthday! Woo- hoo for me! I am glad to have made it to forty. Last night the eve of the big day, I spent 3 hours in the rain with the DirecTv man learning to rewire my whole system. I thought about joining him in a chew and spit tobacco session, but decided to save that celebration for my 50th b.day date with the Septic man.

If you can't laugh at yourself , your shouldn't laugh at any body else.

Two more assignments, than birthday parties, spring break , and a trip to Seattle for more birthday celebrations.

My life is far from perfect, and I'm not exactly where I thought I would be... but I am Exactly Where I Should Be, and perfectly a part of something bigger than myself.

Kindle

I know one of my first post was all about how I love the smell and feel of real paper books. But after spending most of this semester chasing books down, I am done. I am about to order my first kindle. I have no I idea how it works or how to use it. But A. I am tired of carring 30 pounds of books around and B. I am tired of not being able to read the books I want to for the papers I have to write and lessons I need to plan because they are unavailable at my library. So there it is, I have been broken down, the day before my 40th birthday I am changing my mind.So what I can do that.

House Hunters International

Okay, it may be a little self indulgent, but it's a marathon of House Hunters International, I have been to Sicily, Costa Rica, the Isle of Tortola and I haven't left my couch or my school books in almost two hours. The family is all asleep in our big bed anyway, with Madagascar II replaying itself as they sweetly snore in unison. So I can creep back to my couch , burn some incense , mostly because one of the three dogs has some seriously stinky gas, and travel to Paris next, maybe Istanbul? Snacking on a small jar of red hot hearts left over from Valentines day, and taking notes on nutrition, I feel more exotic, excited because I remember the days of traveling and experiencing the world by checking it out. Nepal, Bhutan, Thailand, Maui, both coast and almost every state in between (Still need to get to the Dakota's and the Grand Canyon), St. John, St. Thomas, St. Croix, Martinique, Mexico, Canada and still SO much more to explore and travel. I really can't wait to get to Italy, Belize, Costa Rica and the Greek Islands. Now , if I could just win that Powerball and my travels with the family would begin, traveling the world together, getting an education beyond the traditional, meeting all sorts of folks. A great fantasy to go to bed on....

Mobile again!!!

It feels good to feel good! Even though we have been getting bombarded by snow! 23" in 24 hours! Whew. I don't care. Maybe it's the cold medicine that lets me sleep all night. Maybe because I feel almost 100% and am grateful, glad to be alive. Maybe, because it can't be all bad all the time, it just can't. I'm sticking with it, even though I'm still playing catch up with my school and my house and my kids and my awesome step up to the plate husband. Even though every time I cough my ribs hurt, I don't feel like I'm having a heart attack, people love me. And I love myself. Which is not something I would have said as I rounded the corner of 25 or even 30, but as 40 approaches... I rock. I am generous, loving, emotional,a messy neat freak, who will lay it on the table, say it to your face because I care and don't want to say it behind your back.

Walking Pneumonia and Viral Infections oh my...

This week has kicked my butt. It started off with a horrible flu and morphed itself into a viral infection. While my husbands turned into walking pneumonia. We have 2 kids, 2 jobs and we are both full time students. STRESS. I just had to stop , lay down, sweat, shiver, vomit, spin etc. Needless to say , I have not finished this weeks homework, and tomorrow starts a new week. I hate being behind. I emailed all of my teachers asking for extensions and no one has responded. But I can only do what I can do. And this week it was pure survival. I want my Mommy, but my whole family is on the east coast. My husband has some family in this area, but well.. we'll just leave that alone. I hope to wake up tomorrow, which is supposed to be my last day of work, but I can't go because of contagiouness, and be better, or at least well enough to sit at my laptop, not lying down while I type. Plus, I bruised a rib coughing, so painful. Ok. my pity party is over. Onward, and upward. (Wish me luck), and I hope noone feels as awful as me, ever!

J.R.R. Tolkien

I am nursing two sick babies,my son and my husband through the flu after having just recovered from that insane beast myself. So, it's lots of naps and quiet time, I am reading a J.R.R. Tolkien book for my Storytelling class, and got totally sucked into this fantasy . I love it, I should be also writing papers, and lessons and such, but on this snowy, windy, never ending Feb. day, I got lost on the other side of the moon with Roverandom and I don't want to be found. For awhile anyway.

Moms can't get sick

Today was hell. I have had a fever with the sweats, shivers, and dizziness for the last two days. My homework has been late, my children's hair has not been brushed, and there has been a pile of clean, unfolded laundry in that chair for 2 days.On top of that I had to go to my server job, because when your a server, unless you can get someone to cover your shift you work. I was doing my best to not spread germs, but there's only so much germ patrol one can do. Luckily I was able to switch with the bartender, and bartend , but still anyone who needed a beverage went through me.And it is a holiday weekend, so we were slammed. Sorry. People like me don't get sick days or health care.Actually I used to have health insurance, but they tripled my premium when I got pregnant with my son, and refused to cover my diabetic supplies. Anyway, it's hard to pretend to be happy and healthy when your not feeling that way. I am one of the lucky ones, because I just have a flu, not a life threatening disease. Still sweaty and freezing all at the same time. Oh, and I got a C on that late assignment, at least I can redo it when I'm back to myself.

Taxes

Last night I went to a title 1 meeting. It was very interesting and made me feel so comforted to be a part of a small school and small community within a small community. We listened to the Superintendent speak first about how important the levy is too keep our schools up to the standards we have reached in this area in the past few years especially. In our school district 550 employees of 8-10 schools, 1/3 will be lost if the levy is not passed. That is a HUGE impact in our already recession filled community. Almost 200 more people out of work, PLUS, program cuts, like the title one program, technology, P.E., etc... The cost to a household would be from.76-5.00/month increase in property tax. The problem I see, is we live in a Bluebird community, folks have their 2nd and 3rd homes here. The one's who would be paying the 5.00 increase a month, 60.00 more a year. They don't want to pay it, they don't care (generalizing here) about a community they aren't REALLY a part of. My property taxes went up significantly this year , I mean hundreds of dollars, because of improvements we have made on our home. We live on a road that is deemed "Privately maintained, Public Acess" , which is a contradiction in itself. So needless to say 4-6 wks a year I can not access the last mile of mud road in front of my house via vehicle, so I walk my kids a mile to our parked car and than drive to school and back and back again, sometimes totally 4-6 times a day, depending on our schedules. Needless to say, the hundreds of extra dollars I paid in new property taxes this year did not go towards maintaining my road (by the way 30+ families live on this rd), nor is there a plan in the future to have any money (besides our neighborhood rd. ass. dues) go towards the rd. And when we call to make our needs known we are put on hold, passed around, generally forgotten about so we will go away...
Sorry this rant kinda evolved... Taxes.

burning it at both ends.

So I feel a bit releaved. I have been burning my candle at both ends this semester. Two kids, 15 credits, rural living and a part time job. Well after 5 years, I just gave my notice. I am excited and nervous, I am really doing this, commiting to it. It's still two weeks away, and the craziness continues for a short while, but then ... I can focus on doing just a couple of things (raising my kids, and becoming a really good certified teacher!) really well, instead of too many things not as thoroughly as I desire. So, yeah for me... right? I guess you never know if you made the right decision until you live it.

Blogger

So to get a better idea about what other people , people outside of our cyber class blog about,I found a few other blogs that I started following semi-regularly. One is a cooking blog, which I thought would be interesting because the blogger is a vegetarian. I found a couple of receipes interesting, but mostly I learned how annoying it can be to hear about someone's child you don't know, and how gross tofurky sausages look. Not that I'm against tofu, love it, but processed food is processed food isn't it? The second blog I have been following (outside of class), is a single, divorced, been done wrong,has to share custody mom. Who shares her NC-17 internet dating debocles. It's very amusing, although I am not single or dating. I once was so I can still relate. Her writing style is descriptive and funny. Plus she's advertising on her page, so I think she makes money when I read her blogs, and I like to support the Arts.

Theatre

Today I took my daughter and her friend to see a presentation of the "Jungle Book" by the Missoula Children's Theatre. They go to different towns, set up auditions and pick a cast, teach the songs, lines and choragraphy to the kids in 5 days and then put on two shows. It is really fun and we try to go every year. As someone who grew up involved in the drama club and chorus I can appreciate how a program like this can be really great for kids who possibly don't fit into some of the other stereotypes that are out there . Theatre, drama, the art dept. were great places to hide out from the masses and be more free to be self expressive. It's really sad and frustrating to see what is happening in our public school system, art and music programs cut, threats of many more cuts to come. What do you all think, especially those who are working in schools now. What do you see?

My two and half year old frat. boy.

It's funny, it would be really funny if it was happening to someone else.I worked late because it was the Super Bowl, grocery shopped, bathed and fed and did homework with my oldest. I have already been at doing my own homework for three hours, but I just need about one more hour, it's not going to happen. It is 1:00 in the morning, I am finishing the last of my reading so I can take an online quiz and actually finish this weeks assignments before I wake up and it is tomorrow and a whole new week of assignments."Mama, Oobi over", he yells from the top of the stairs, "Luv you too" He shouts. I rush to the top of the stairs before he climbs the gate, and there he is, my baby boy waiting for me. He is holding his blue light saber and it is making a horrible loud hissing sound, "New Battery" he demands. "It's late" I whisper, not that it matters I can hear his Dad snoring away, and his sister doing the same across the hall. I change him, and cuddle him, hoping he'll fall asleep before me , so I can finish todays homework before tomorrow is officially here. But, the next thing I know, it is 6:00 a.m. and my alarm is going off. Oops, well one more thing to add to the list I think and roll out of bed.

Lists

I am a fanatical list maker, I can't help myself. I make list for my list. I make list of list. The first thing on my list is usually to make a list. I am a neurotic freak. But, if I put it on paper, what to do , how, when , how to feel , how to move forward and on. Eventually I will get it done. Finishing my teaching credits has been on that list for almost 10 years. Along with , to stop pysching myself out, I can do it whatever I am pysching myself out about. My list has a note to BE KIND to myself. If I can get it all out what I need to do and be , I can empty my mind. Lay in the grass and have a mental nap of sorts, feel its green, sweet scented blades and drift into a well deserved nap because my Lists are done, for now.

Fresh Bread

Today I baked bread for the first time by myself.
I have never been patient enough to spend the time, (unless with Mom or Grandma) to actually make bread before. But it was SOOOOO easy . I thought I 'd share the receipe, it's a great one to involve kids with. Change around and play with, next time I am going to mix whole grain flour with the white. Although it was decandent to eat White bread today.

The Receipe is 4 easy steps:

1.Put 1 cup of warm water plus one tablespoon sugar in a mixing bowl. Add two tablespoons of yeast (1 package). Let sit for about five minutes.
2. Add three cups of flour, 1 cup of milk, dash of salt, 2 tablespoons of sugar, and 2-4 tablespoons of oil or melted (and cooled) margarine or shortening. Stir 50 times clockwise , and then 50 times counter-clockwise.
3. Add another 3 to 4 cups of flour and mix until the dough forms a good ball. Turn dough out of the bowl on to a floured surface and let it sit for ten minutes. Then, knead the dough for 5 to 10 minutes.
4. Let rise in a greased bowl for about an hour (it should double in size). Punch down the dough. Let it rise agin for 30 to 45 minutes. Divide into two equal parts and shape into loaves. Place in loaf pans and bake at 425 degrees for about 25-30 minutes.

It's so easy, try it.

We eat healthy for the most part, when I crave something like french fries or macaroni and cheese and now white bread I justify that I can have it , if I can make it. That way at least I know there aren't a bunch of preservatives and junk in it.

Groundhog Day

Ok, so we all know the movie, where Bill Murray keeps repeating the day GroundHog Day over and over. Today this is my day. Didn't I just empty this dishwasher, load up the woodstove with wood (its F ing freezing out there!), change the baby, drive the carpool, read that chapter for Lit, Ed, Pysch, etc...
I am back at the public library, wasn't I just here yesterday? Yes! But the book I reserved got put on the book mobile out to Clark Fork. Back in the dairy isle, do we really need more milk? I haven't touched the stuff myself, aside from a splash in my coffee for years... Back , to putting this guy in his car seat again? This kills my shoulder and the wierd twisted position I have to obtain to get him into his seat always makes me feel like I might pee myself. Back to finally returning home to do all of the above over again! No wonder I'm such a grump, did I just do this day ?

Although , if I stop and breath for a moment, I can relish these chores as I think of loved ones sitting in a cancer ward, receiving cancer treatment, wishing they could just go back to the monotony of it all.

I am lucky to have this Groundhog day, and thankful even if it just keeps repeating itself over and over.

I hate mondays.

In the words of Puss in Boots "I Hate Mondays". Thank goodness this one is almost over, not only does tomorrow bring with it a new day, but a whole new month! Yippee for Feb. and red hearts, chocolate candies and minute longer days every day! I started my day, racing around at 6:30 am getting the kids ready to get out the door for the 30 minute back roads commute to a school that is only 11 miles away. Except I spent 20 minutes franticly searching for my car keys, ripping the house a part. Until I reached into my pocket and there they were!
I Hate Mondays...
Bring on Tuesday!

Oven

A hectic week of kids, work, homework, gray, dreay days has left me here at Saturday. I need a break from homework, I want to roast a chicken. I took her out of the freezer yesterday, so today she is only slightly frozen. I rinse and massage her, pat her dry, pull out the weird shit inside. (This is a big deal to a once vegan), but I have done it often in the last couple of years . I season her , salt,pepper, garlic powder, olive oil and some butter rubbed up under the skin to make her tan and crispy. I squeeze a lemon inside and toss some garlic cloves in there as well. Beautiful, or she will be, if I can get my oven to warm up.
I turned the beast on at least an hour ago, I have kicked it, open and slammed the broiler door open to help ignite the flame, I have sweared at it , threatened it, and even pleaded a bit. "The monsters are growing hungry and restless", I whisper, "they want chicken". I turn the tea kettle back on , and finally I hear the gas ignite again. Time to get on line and fantasize about a shiney new oven, one who will have a constant temperature at all times, what ever temp. I ask for , without attitude or burning or undercooking....

Old Man

Yelling at the people on the other end of the phone, his face so angry and powerful, and then suddenly his face changed as he spoke of his bedridden wife and how he was caring for her, a shake in his voice, his face now soft and powerless. I immedietly felt a lump welling up in  my throat. He must be in his mid 80's and whatever his plight is that has him so upset in the middle of the produce section this early in the morning must be bad. I feel his passion for his situation .I can't help to think of my own elderly parents, who have told me they feel like aliens in their now old and frail bodies. When my mom passes a mirror she says "Who is that Old Lady?", she still feels young and vibrant inside.

Let Gratitute Change your Attitude

These winter days can be so long and dark and dreary. I need my sun, my vitamin D, my Sea Bath!
I've been here in North Idaho for 12 years now, but if I close my eyes I can see, feel, smell, and taste my former residence in the Carribean....
I am floating, almost weightless on back , my legs long and tan stretch out,I still have my tevas on because the coral is sharp,alive and infection accues quickly when one is wounded by it. I can hear my own breath, muffled by light waves crashing and nothing else. The hot sun beats down on my scalp as it is the only thing not totally submerged in the warm (yet cooler than the air), salty, turquoise, clear Carribean Sea that we come to most days for a Sea Bath. The water is sticky, but still much more refreshing than the hot, humid, tropical air. This is my favorite part of any day ever. After a long morning working in one of the organic gardens, a light lunch and some housekeeping, it is too hot right now to weed, plant, water or harvest. So we walk, hitch hike, catch a ride how ever we can and head to the beach. After floating, swimming laps , and playing, I hunt the shore for conch, bright purple,yellow and orange sea fans, and other pieces of colorful dried up, washed up coral pieces for my collection in the garden, and for decorations in my shack (that has no door) . I am in bliss. Life is simple.

Sweet Tooth

My seven year old was just asking me if a sweet tooth ever goes away. Her creative mind than went on to show me her vegetable tooth, her bread tooth, her fruit tooth etc... And I thought about what a great idea for a childrens book she had. It's funny how literal kids are. I guess it is because they don't have the life experience yet to understand sarcasm. I see things more as images (its that art background) more than words in my minds eye. I imagine this story with drawings of a freckle face kid with big awkward new grownup front teeth, opening wide to show everyone her teeth and the story behind each tooth and food group. Well it is just a thought right now.

Rumi

They say January is the saddest month of the year, maybe it is because we have the least amount of daylight. Maybe it is because we are inside- inside our houses, inside our shoes, inside our own minds.

The Music We Are-

Did  you hear that winter's over? The basil
and the carnations cannot control their

laughter. The nightingale, back from his
wandering, has been made singing master

over the birds. The trees reach out their
congratulations. The soul goes dancing

through the king's doorway. Anemones blush
because they have seen the rose naked.

Spring, the only fair judge, walks in the
courtroom, and several December thieves steal

away. Last year's miracles will soon be
forgotten. New creatures whirl in from non-

existence, galaxies scattered around their
feet. Have you met them? Do you hear the

bud of Jesus crooning in the cradle? A single
narcissus flower has been appointed Inspector

of Kingdoms. A feast is set. Listen: the
wind is pouring wine! Love used to hide

inside images: no more! The orchard hangs
out its lanterns. The dead come stumbling by

in shrouds. Nothing can stay bound or be
imprisoned. You say,"End this poem here,

and wait for what's next."I will. Poems
are rough notations for the music we are.

p.134
Rumi-
"The Soul of Rumi- A New Collection of Ecstatic Poems"
Translated by Coleman Barks.

Compost Moose

At least once a day, they arrive. Mama moose and baby. I know they are here because, one of our three dogs knows and alerts the other two. They are HUGE, and wander around , sniffing out the compost, now covered with several layers of warm hay. They rub on the cedar trees , reaching up, stretching their long brown necks to nibble some florescent green lican. I always wonder how something so large can be a vegan? Last year, as I hiked in and out during mudseason with my toddler in the back pack and my than kindergartener in tow, we encountered daily an aggressive  moose, which greatly changed my opinion about the gentle giants, and made me really glad they are vegans!

The smell of real books...

Ok. I think I can get the hang of this. It took me a bit to figure it out, and now I am here.

So I will start with today. Busy day, up at 6 am drive through the mud to bring kids to two different schools. An hour of errants before I head to the library to look for books and do some reading for my 4 other classes. My goodness the library in Sandpoint is always hustling and bustling. It is a hub in our small town. I have always loved the library. The one from my home town in Ct. The one from my first college, built in the 1800's. And now the one in Sandpoint. Times up.I feel a little naked without my kids anyway. Back in the car to two schools, back to my Mom job.
But I checked out a Rumi poetry book today. I can't bring myself to get a kindle just yet. I love the feel and smell of a real book.